We develop insight when we deconstruct, since we know how we used to think and how we now think. We can either use that insight to fan the flames or to fight the fire. I want to be a firefighter.
Sometimes, people ask me, “What are you, anyway? Are you an atheist, a Buddhist, a Christian?” Usually, I say something like, “I don’t know. Do I have to BE something?” It’s complicated.
Of course, this happens in politics, too. “Are you a Democrat, a Republican, a conservative, a liberal?” Again, “Do I have to BE something?” It’s complicated.
I am NOT being coy. After all, I wrote a book, and I write this column. Anyone who wants to know how I see the world can easily find out. At the same time, if someone asks me if I am an atheist (for instance), they might need to tell me what they mean by that term. I wrote about the limitation of words here.
In addition, if someone asks me if I am an atheist (for instance), I might wonder why they want to know. When people ask us to describe ourselves, they are often looking for ways to exclude us, rather than to include us. “Are you one of us or one of them?” I am NOT interested in us and them. I am only interested in all of us. I wrote about othering here.
“Are You Still Angry?”
We develop insight when we deconstruct. In The Way, I suggested that we can become angry when we deconstruct and reconstruct our beliefs:
“Once I began to see that some of my beliefs were not supportable, I became angry with those who presented these beliefs to me as facts, without doing the homework to know if they were supportable or not and without presenting any caveats or contexts.
“I became angry with my Christian family members and friends, who tried to evangelize me without realizing that I had done the homework, that they had not, and that I likely knew more than they did about the traditions that they were promoting.
“Also, I became angry that many contemporary Christian beliefs had strayed far from the words and works of Jesus. In doing so, many Christian churches had been unkind to divorced people, LGBTQ people, and non-Christian people, to name a few. And they had done it in the name of religion. Sadly, I had, too, for much of my life.”
And, once I had reconstructed my beliefs, I became angry with my Christian family members and friends who marginalized me or othered me, simply because we no longer held the same beliefs. Often, when we deconstruct our religious beliefs, we deconstruct our political beliefs, too. This can cause further conflicts with family members and friends.
So I meet a lot of people who are deconstructing their religious beliefs. I will often ask them “Are you still angry?” No one ever responds, “No, why would I be angry?!?” Instead, they either say, “Yes, I’m still angry, and I might always be angry.” Or (like me) they might say, “No, I was angry, but I’m not angry anymore. At least, I try not to be angry anymore.”
Us Is the New Them
My friend, Glenn Siepert, host of the What If Project podcast, recently wrote about “us and them,” as someone who has deconstructed their religious beliefs and their political beliefs here:
“When I stood on the RIGHT as a staunch Republican-Voting-Fundamentalist-Evangelical, I was mad at the world because the Devil was in everything that wasn’t of God…But then I started to “deconstruct” and rethink my faith, my spirituality, my life and I moved over to the LEFT where I became more of a Democrat-ish-Voting-Fundamentalist-Progressive.
“Yes, still Fundamentalist. Why? Because (although I didn’t see it then), even though I moved from the Right to the Left, it was still my way or the highway…. I was angry while on the Right. I was (still) angry while on the Left….
“[I’m] hopeful, hopeful that there is another way, hopeful that I don’t need to stand on one side or the other, hopeful that I can bring about real, lasting change without being angry, without being judgmental, without shaming and yelling and ridiculing people who think differently than me, without creating and then demonizing “the other.”
“What’s that look like? Beats me. I’m out to learn.”
We develop insight when we deconstruct, since we know how we used to think and how we now think. We can either use that insight to fan the flames or to fight the fire. I want to be a firefighter. Like Glenn, I don’t want to be angry, I’m not sure what that looks like, and I’m out to learn.
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The Way received a 2024 Nautilus Book Award.
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