When Your Child’s Struggle Becomes Your Teacher

Wait. I thought parents were supposed to be the teachers of children.

As a former homeschooling mom, I was invested in being the teacher of my children.

Teach them I did, for better or for worse.

In the end, they taught me far greater lessons.

We try to teach our children to thrive in the world, but sometimes their struggles can invite us to grow in unexpected ways, calling us to deeper maturity, understanding, and spirituality.

I Learned the Power of Surrender

When my children faced struggles beyond my control—including mental health issues, addiction, and maturing as adults—I was often filled with an overwhelming desire to “fix” things. Watching a child struggle triggered my own anxieties and forced me to confront my need for control. As I learned to release my desire to manage their lives, I discovered a new way of loving.

Surrender taught me that loving my children doesn’t always mean intervening. True love sometimes means stepping back, offering a compassionate presence without the expectation that we can make it all right. It has been humbling, but it taught me the power of releasing them to find their own way. This shift from controlling to trusting stretched my faith and opened the door to a deeper spiritual trust in a higher power’s presence and purpose for them, even in their difficulties.

This is a process. I confess I still have the occasional rising anxiety in my chest regarding my children, and I have to continually practice the discipline of surrender.

I am Growing in Compassion Through Empathy

When my children grappled with their issues, I often struggled to relate. However, their struggles offered an invitation to revisit my own history and to connect with my children on a human level. What if, instead of rushing in with advice or solutions, we paused to truly listen and seek to understand their pain?

As parents, we may recognize that our child’s struggles mirror our own unresolved wounds. This realization can deepen our empathy, allowing us to extend to them a compassion we may not have experienced ourselves. We begin to understand that our role as a parent is not always to protect them from pain but to be a safe space for them within it. This journey into empathy can soften our hearts and teach us to be gentler with ourselves, and with others, as we come to appreciate that life’s challenges are universal and connecting.

I am Expanding Spiritual Maturity Through Patience

Perhaps one of the hardest lessons in parenting adult children is realizing that everyone’s journey unfolds at its own pace. We may wish for our child’s struggle to pass quickly, or for them to see the “right” path forward, yet often their journey is filled with unexpected twists. Patience, in these moments, is not passive but an active, spiritual exercise.

Watching my children grow through their struggles has been a spiritual test, teaching me to develop patience that transcends circumstance. This patience helps me release expectations and rest in the faith that growth takes time. It teaches me to celebrate small victories and to trust that, in their own time and way, my children will find their path. In cultivating patience, I honor the mystery of their unique journey and deepen my own resilience in the face of life’s unpredictability.

Life has a way of using even the most painful experiences for our growth and transformation, and sometimes, our greatest teachers are the very ones we once cradled in our arms. As we walk beside our children in their struggles, we learn what it truly means to love deeply, live humbly, and trust fully in a greater wisdom guiding us all.